Snow Day

How many centimeters have come down so far? Reports of 15-20 seem reasonable. I took my daughter Georgia with me this morning to check on the boiler at St. Paul's. The boiler looks fine; I didn't perform any chem tests today but emptied the return valves and blew down the main part. The wind is whipping at the window....

Back outside again where Georgia and I gazed upon an expanse of white, undisturbed snow that is the Charlotte Street parking lot. Scratch that; the plow (Darrell Bruce) had made one sweep earlier and there was a good sized snowbank to the right which Georgia made a beeline for. I bent and tested the snow for 'packiness' - how sticky, or 'packy' the snow was for making snow balls. Perfect stuff! While Georgia tumbled down the snow bank I started work on a snow man. Eventually she joined me and we made two great big snow people and positioned them at the entrance to the Charlotte Street door. Hers is wearing an evergreen wreath. I know it will bring a smile to the regulars who come through that door to do their volunteer work, or attend exercise class, an AA meeting, a play group or a quilters' circle. I look forward to Cathy's reaction!

This is the first time I've ever been caught at work, when not working. This job may be turning into a vocation.

I have a donkey in my office!

It has been suggested to me that my one liners regarding Sextoning should be shared with the world at large. Indeed, being a sexton has some very unique challenges and rewards, not the least of which is the legitimate occasion to say "I have a donkey in my office!". I like this idea. It may also cross paths with some thinking and reading I am doing regarding service vs. servitude, and a nifty book that Peter Short gave me titled 'Shop Class As Soul Craft'. One challenge I face in maintaining a blog regularly is being regular - I often get distracted by fatigue, other projects, beautiful women and the like. I don't think there is a shortage of material...so perhaps you could help. Leave an encouraging one liner comment and I'm sure this will spur me on! One cannot create in a vacuum....

So back to the donkey in my office. The week before Christmas and the hooligans have come out; baby Jesus is missing and I had to dig out my spare (yes, He is a hot commodity apparently. Last year He was stolen as well, but returned after The Big Day. I can only imagine the hilarious photos of baby Jesus' travels those lawless hooligans took Him on...). A poor hapless donkey also got vandalized, and is awaiting repair in my office. Unfortunately, there is no replacement donkey as he is not central to the story...PETA will be up in arms, no doubt.

On my last day before vacation, on the last hour before vacation, a storm window in the bell tower blew off and shattered glass came flying down the roof onto the side walk. Thank God no one was walking underneath when it happened! Now the already fragile stained glass window is exposed to the elements, but I see no way of protecting or repairing it that doesn't involve scaffolding or fall arrest harnesses, or general danger and mischief. It's not something I want to take on, but I will have to figure out some solution or the stained glass window will not make it through the winter, of that I am sure.

So let me know what you think. Encourage me. Pummel me. Do what you will....

Update on Ridgemont

Hi. Hey. Hello again. I wonder if I'm really cut out for blogging...or at least, this type of blog - one that is not journal-like in nature. One that I need to keep focused on the whole art scene without just randomly spouting emotional tirades about something bad (or good) happening on a particular day. Well, maybe I need to carve out time to devote to it; I would like to try my hand at critical writing, like art reviews. First I need to learn how to do that though.....
So, I spoke with Gene today, the man who interviewed me for Wayves. Turns out we are to be on the front page of the November issue! Oh God...What have I gotten myself into? I suddenly feel so self conscious . It's more of a story about me, and coming out, and being a gay artist rather than a review of my work. That's fine. Gets my feet wet talking to reporters, right?

Fast Times at Ridgemont High!!

Tomorrow I have an interview with Gene, a writer who does work for both Wayves and Gaze. Wayves is a monthly Atlantic newspaper for the gay/les/bi community in NB, NS and PEI. Gaze covers the same territory but is a quarterly glossy magazine. This is very exciting news, though I wonder how the heck I'm going to answer his questions...what will his questions be? I hope it doesn't feel like a job interview...
There are these other open calls for submission opportunities floating around, but I just don't think I have the head space for it. I really think I need a break for now...because making is bordering on the mundane for the past short while. It has sort of lost its magic, so I think a restorative period is appropriate.

Ramblings of a Sexton

Today at work I had about 300 kids in my church and you could hear a pin drop - it was incredible. I love being a Sexton. I also learned a bit more about my building; a few years ago the east wall of the original church had to be restored and the masons removed each stone, numbered them, did the repair work and then rebuilt the wall exactly the way it had been...I find that a profound testimony to human resilience but it's also such a cool metaphor for the ultimate fallibility of the human church. A long time ago someone had a dream to build a beautiful symbol of worship to a God that loved everyone (if you did things 'right' anyway...like put this brick there,put that brick here). You know, so much love, so much posturing...the walls hold for a time, quite a long time till we think we even need them; but when the walls start to break down, the human design starts to fail....rather than find a new, better way to rebuild, rather than take the original dream of community worship and make it work today, we decide it would be best to make the same mistakes again. Put the bricks back in the same place, though they crumbled and fell and actually separated us from people, not brought us all together. Kind of a negative interpretation, but one way to look at it...

Who's the one rambling now? I love history, architecture and theology (among other things) so this job is great. Plus I get to explore the bell tower, which is amazingly fantastic. I plan to photograph it, once I clean out all the pigeon shit.

Done. Huh?

Well, kind of. Of course I have to scramble tomorrow morning to find a couple of correct-sized nails, but then it's taxi time, and off to The Playhouse...
I apologize for the less than verbose blog entries as of late; I am burnt out, world. I seriously intend to store those paintbrushes for awhile...I really need a break. I want to read some poetry. I want to take some pictures. I want to read The Dark Tower again. I want to visit friends and listen to music and drink wine.
I can't believe I'm done. Thank you, Lord.

Need to Breathe

I am having trouble breathing because I can't find enough time for work, Georgia, sleep and painting. Something's gotta give, and it aint work, or Georgia - I've tried cutting back on sleep but my body has a way of asserting itself....and so I am so behind on this painting and making the other pieces exhibition ready that I am feeling the air being squeezed out of my throat faster than I can take it in.
But no worries! I'm good at flying by the seat of my pants...

Press release for 'Possible Selves'

PRESS RELEASE (VISUAL ARTS)

September 22, 2010

On October 1, Gallery Connexion's Annex Gallery reveals two exhibitions. “Earthly Beauties: The Painted Works of Andrea Crabbe and Kim Vose Jones” and “Possible Selves” a show of collage that incorporates photography, painting and drawing by Marsha Clark. The Annex Gallery is located in the Playhouse at 686 Queen St.. Please join us for an opening reception Friday, October 1 at 5 p.m. The exhibition will run until Monday, November 15 , 2010.

Crabbe and Vose Jones bring us work created from different eyes, recorded at different times, and within different landscapes. They offer a lift to the spirit, and offer identity to places and people real and imagined. In silent conversation these vibrant, works share unique qualities. They strive to capture the memorable, and transform the everyday into dreamlike, otherworldly experience. Kim Vose Jones is a Master of Fine Arts candidate in Studio Art at Maine College of Art. Her two and three dimensional work has been exhibited and collected internationally. Andrea Crabbe holds a BFA from NSCAD University. She has taught introductory painting at NSCAD’s School of Extended Studies and maintains an active painting practice in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

In ‘Possible Selves’, Clark explores the question of identity formation. What is identity? How does it form? What psychological, physical and social environmental elements comprise identity? How does it grow and change, yet the basis remain the same? Using the house as a metaphor for a life, architectural elements are built up and torn down to represent the growth of our individual personality. Clark's background as a fine furniture maker and experience in carpentry has helped her understand how structures are built; the interior frame work and the numerous joints, connections and fastenings that are necessary for a structure to function properly. Much like a person is built, our identity is made up of numerous connections, experiences and turning points to produce a specific personality. This is a show of collage that incorporates photography, painting and drawing.

The Annex Gallery is an initiative between Gallery Connexion and the Fredericton Playhouse to provide a juried exhibition space for Gallery Connexion members and for the Playhouse to include a programmed exhibitions in its galleries.

The Annex Gallery is organized by a Gallery Connexion committee and facilitated by the Fredericton Playhouse. For more information, contact Rita Sassani at nnxgallery@gmail.com

Digital Invite is Here!

Your friendly neighbourhood Sexton

I got the job! I am now your friendly neighbourhood Sexton......what's a Sexton you say? It would be very interesting to know what people think it is....leave a comment with your first reaction to that word, k?

sex·ton (sĕkˈstən) noun

An employee or officer of a church who is responsible for the care and upkeep of church property and sometimes for ringing bells and digging graves.

Sex·ton (sĕkˈstən), Anne 1928-1974.

American poet whose works, including the collections Live or Die (1966) and The Death Notebooks (1974), document her struggle with mental illness and her search for faith.

Both oddly applicable in some way.....
I am greatly looking forward to knowing this building and I am sure there will be many architectural gems for me to explore and paint about hidden within the 150+ year old walls...

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming, Swimming Swimming

So I worked with the background. I have come to realize that my need for perfection is what holds me back most of the time...because I am not perfect (not even close), nor will I ever attain perfection in my work. "An artist never completes her work, she merely abandons it." The best thing to do is to keep trying.

I ended up with orange and pink clouds and a blue black strip with cosmos. I think I'll leave it for tonight. It's definitely different from the previous collages, but then, conversion to Christianity was/is off my grid of previous experience. I have other things on my mind though...interfering with the desire to paint. I'm waiting to hear about a possible job with St. Paul's church, a dear friend of mine is in the hospital again, and I am fighting a deep dissatisfaction with being a single woman. The lesbian community is a tough one to break into around here...especially when they find out I'm "religious". "I don't do religious girls, sorry. Too much latent guilt." Oy.

Good morning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY&feature=player_embedded

inspiration

Inspiration...it's a misnomer.

God, I am frustrated tonight, on so many levels. The collage went great, but I've wrecked the background. I don't know if i have to start over...maybe I can work with it, I don't know. I'll have to see in the light tomorrow. I am really feeling the pressure now and I know this is not quite the blog post I usually make but if I'm the only one who will listen to me, I have to get it out anyway.

Carny

Tonight Georgia and I attended the opening of 'Carny' - Photographs by Kyle Cunjak at Ingrid Meuller Art + Concepts. It was incredible! I am in love with this man's work! His colours are so vibrant and the black so velvety....his subject matter is intense and mysterious. The expressions he focuses on range from the bored, the tough, the wild and the sad. I wonder how his carnies are doing, where they're going, how they got to where they are. I encourage you all to go see the show, and at the very least, visit his web site: http://www.cunjak.com

Grid

The title of this fifth collage is Conversion: My Father, the Architect. This has been the most explosively creative, but trickiest piece yet. I have a lot of emotions wrapped up in this piece; as with most things human, it's not straightforward OR simple. What do you think of when I say 'Conversion'? Do I want to marry a man and have to convert to Catholicism so his mother will like me? Have I gone off the deep end and joined the Spaghetti Monster Cult? Have I become one of those crazy conservative fanatical Christians?

I admit the term 'born again Christian' was a stumbling block for me. I now call myself a recovering Evangelist (which is bound to piss off a few people). Bottom line, though, is that my personal relationship with God has enriched my life in ways I never could have believed 'before'. He likes to speak to us in the language we can hear, and for me, that is beauty and order. He reminds me of His presence in the intricate detailing of antique brass doorknobs, the framing of a street scene, the correct use of the semi colon. Logic and beauty and order and overflowing detail serve as a divine language to me - I can appreciate the 'otherness' in this world's creation. I'm learning (painfully slowly) that relationships are like houses, too. Built divinely, added to extensively, torn down, broken down, built up again but always growing, always worth something. So translating this impression of God as Divine Architect through collage is really a wonderful, positive thing - despite any hurt that came after conversion. I've done a faint and partial architectural drawing of an expansive church, then paint in a pale and glowing sky. I'll build my own church with photographs of local sanctuaries, taken from many different angles and pieced together for an Escher-like walk around the block. There's sure to be some creative choices you'll wonder about, but that's a good thing...gets people talking about the right thing. Cheers!

The heat has broken and I am ready again

I finished off the third roll with Georgia's help and got the pictures developed; the interior stained glass shots turned out really well. I now have them all butchered up into components and perhaps tomorrow night will begin assembling them. I pilfered a nice big piece of dry wall from my father's shed to be the canvas for this fifth (of six) collage. I'm really starting to get nervous now...do I have enough work to show? Will it look amateurish or childish? Will everyone think I'm ridiculous?
These anxieties try to take hold, but I fight it with whatever I've got.

I am greatly inspired by MC Escher's warped view of reality. The view of this church is also very intriguing. Shot two rolls of film yesterday and today; must shoot one more tomorrow morning then get it developed. Too hot to work, but must do something! Deadlines looming near. Completed the press release and artist statement text today for Possible Selves; show at RBC opening tomorrow. The piece is located at the RBC in Brookside Mall.

hiatus

hey kids, came to apologize for the hiatus; life has been sort of insane lately. Big brother from BC, moving, writing other things for deadlines, without phone or internet connection and trying to set up my studio when i still can't find the spoons is stressing me out. How I long to write to you again, Dear Reader.... :) Soon we will be together again...Be patient, keep the faith, and don't run with scissors. Peace out!

We Could Be Neighbours Again

This is my latest work, titled We Could Be Neighbours Again. 11x14, mixed media collage, with a price tag of $75 framed, and unframed prints are available for $20, in a variety of sizes. The type reads: "I will pierce thee to the core" and "I will hurt you with my hurt".

I am quite interested in the curator's reaction to it, as it is the piece going into the RBC exhibition. He will either accept it or he won't...the only reason I wonder about it, is because the subject matter is not entirely palatable. It's not a pretty water colour vase of peonies (not that there is anything wrong with that; in fact, those painters probably possess more technical skill than I have!).

Two sides, armed to the hilt, divided across space and experience threaten each other with weapons. Weapons can be so straight forward, like swords and guns, fists and size. Weapons can also be harsh words, inflicted hurt, guilt, judgment, resentment, fear. The conflict poisons the air. I am still working through the pain I've experienced over the conflict with my former church family about gay pride, so it's coming out in my work. It occurred to me that I am equally stubborn, judgmental, and un-neighbourly. C.S. Lewis says there are no truly evil people...just people that want something and have the wrong way of going about getting it. The church wants me to be straight again, or commit to celibacy for the rest of my life because in their view, being with someone of the same sex is against God's will. I want to be free and true to myself, leave behind self hate and embrace love in all its forms - I want to be fully alive. The church made it quite clear they couldn't have me as a member anymore, being an unrepentant sinner and all...and I turned my anger and hurt at the church to my individual friends and am in danger of ruining those relationships that are left. Both sides believe they are absolutely right and the other is woefully deceived. Both sides have wrong ways of getting what they want - and it has resulted in division, and a conflict that poisons the air between us. This is not neighbourly love, as God speaks about and Kierkegaard expounds upon. In Works of Love, Kierkegaard says: "It is in fact Christian love which discovers and knows that one's neighbour exists and that - it is one and the same thing - everyone is one's neighbour. If it were not a duty to love, then there would be no concept of neighbour at all. But only when one loves his neighbour, only then is the selfishness of preferential love rooted out and the equality of the eternal preserved." (pg. 58)
Preferential love is full of distinctions; good/evil, keener/slacker, serious/casual, believer/non believer, right/wrong, gay/straight. But God's love is not about distinctions or preferences - "Equality is just this, not to make distinctions, and eternal equality is absolutely not to make the slightest distinction, is unqualifiedly not to make the slightest distinction. Exclusive love or preference, on the other hand, means to make distinctions, passionate distinctions, unqualifiedly to make distinctions." (Pg. 70)

It hurts me deeply that church leadership (and others) seem to be practicing exclusive, preferential love. They would prefer me to be straight, they have excluded me from their congregation. But I have it wrong too. I would prefer them to be smarter, I have excluded them from my life too. Between us there is a stoppage of preferential love, but more importantly, a serious struggle with true neighbourly love, as God commands us to.

There are a few women who have stepped out into the no-man's land and have shown true neighbourly love. I am so grateful for them. I want to learn from them, not alienate them with my anger off-gassing everywhere....

To bring it all back to this collage - We Could Be Neighbours Again.

on FIRE!

Sometimes my head spins a little when I think about the future. It's true, I want to be famous... now that the beginning steps are being taken, I'm a little excited. The pace is quick, and there is a lot of work involved. Just got word that I'll be included in an RBC exhibition from September 1 - 30th, at one of their public branches, as well as at the Fredericton City Hall Gallery the month of October. These shows are a spin off from the Artist in Residence series I completed at the York Sunbury Museum. That makes the number of exhibitions for 2010 six!: The Palate (Jan-March), Dreams Reflections and Memories (May at the Annex), Artist in Residence (Aug at York Sunbury Museum), RBC exhibition, City Hall exhibition and my first solo show Possible Selves on October 1. Now, if I could just get this move over with, I can get back to work. There is a press release text due on August 27 that I haven't started, as well as an Artist Statement. The essay for the show will have to wait a bit longer. There are grant applications that need starting, and oh, yes, I have to start my daughter at kindergarten. Feeling a little busy!

Artist in Residence - Post Mortem

http://yorksunburymuseum.wordpress.com/

I had a great conversation with Melissa, of NSCAD background, about self promotion. She advised me to throw myself into this blog whole heartedly; it will make a great self promotion tool. So, I am beginning by linking to the York Sunbury Museum's blog, where I was featured last week.

End of Residency

Today is the final day of my Artist in Residence term at the York Sunbury Museum. It has been an interesting week, and very productive.

I have a confession to make though...I had a bit of an artist's block on the Limits of Love project. These things happen....it's important not to try to force it. However, I completed one piece in the Possible Selves series, and have begun the fifth of six for that show. Reactions have been very positive to the work; 'oh that's so cool!' 'Really unique', and the most important of all 'I wonder how that would look on my wall...'

I met some very cool people, like Linda Bartlett, an artist and house sculptor. I met the owner of the Mazerolle Gallery and had a lengthy conversation with her. Ted Boothroyd, mask maker extraordinaire, was an interesting guy to share the space with. I was interviewed by Cheryl Norrad, who will hopefully be writing an in depth piece on my making process in the next few weeks, and the two little girls from Quebec who were so excited by the art work they just had to try, too.

Thank you to everyone who came to the museum to say hello!

A Moment in History

Yesterday was a momentous day; it was Fredericton's FIRST gay pride parade! Not news to most of you, I know, but for posterity's sake I thought I would restate the facts.
I felt so loved, so celebrated yesterday. Some straight people I know have said things like 'What in the hell do ya need a parade for? I don't get a parade just cuz I sleep with my wife' or 'If you want so badly to be equal, why are you calling attention to yourselves?' I'd like to answer these questions...I find them ignorant and insensitive to be honest.
Firstly, it's a cultural celebration, much like Acadien days or Carribanna. As gay people (and this term includes all the GLBTQQ community) we are a unique and diverse population, offering a lot of positive qualities to society. We are also different from mainstream society, and we like it that way. Gay Pride is a celebration of who we are, and how we're different.
Gay Pride is also an anniversary of the famous Stonewall riots of 1969. Over those few weeks, gay people of New York City fought back against the discrimination and unlawful treatment by police, politicians and other authority figures. Gay pride is a commemoration of the hard battles fought to give us the freedoms we enjoy today. We celebrate others' and our own everyday bravery and the guts it takes to live fully in a society that is largely unwelcoming of gay people and relationships. Watch Milk if you want an entertaining 1.5 hour history of the beginning of the gay rights movement.
Thirdly, straight people DO get a parade: they get one everyday, every time they walk down the street holding their loved one's hand, kiss in public, or stroll safely down the walking trail at night. This one is hard to explain, because until you truly experience what it's like to be a minority, you won't know how it feels to be left out. Imagine (if you are a male) being dropped into a completely foreign city, where no one speaks your language or looks like you, where you fear for your safety sometimes. Then you are condemned, spit on, looked down upon or pitied for holding on to your love for your wife; sorry, but that's not acceptable here and you are not allowed to be with her. Try to see that being gay isn't all about who you sleep with. The gay pride parade is not about sex...
To see so many people marching in the parade, out and proud and joyous, was so wonderful. The straight allies who showed up to support us are a gift; it's because of you that we will change society into a more tolerant, loving place.

Here we go....

I had a dream last night that I was late for my residency, unprepared, afraid and freaking out. But I am not any of those things!! I will be doing a bunch of still life drawing at first, just to get loosened up and to let the ideas flow.....the objects in the museum should prove good subject matter. I have printed three stories for display; I think I'll just limit myself to illustrating these three for the week. If I try to take on too much, I get a little scatter brained...
Very excited to meet Ted Boothroyd, the established artist i will sharing the space with.

Gravity

Today I received the most heart breaking story yet, about a gay Christian woman trapped in an empty hetero marriage. She remains anonymous, but she was willing to share a bit of her struggle with me....I feel honoured and touched. I am also beginning to wonder if this project is even bigger than I first thought. I intend to apply for a Canada Council for the Arts creation grant, and I think this project will be my proposal. An illustrated book of these stories? It's always been a goal/dream of mine to illustrate a book. My hero is Dave McKean, illustrator extraordinaire. Hmm...theology meets compassion meets art.

Click finger fatigue

So I've decided I definitely don't want to be an IT person....I've uploaded almost 30 images of my work to this site in the last few hours, tweaked with the placement on the page...hopefully it looks good. Let me know what you think! More images to come!

But without pain there can be no "Real"ity

I've been thinking about the merit of The Limits of Love project, what its point or purpose is. Is it simply to expose the pain we inflict on each other? Is it only to detail the terrible way we treat our brothers and sisters, to memorialize rotten human behavior?
I am wondering about exploring redemption. If this life is so full of malice, so void of grace, what is the point or the purpose of living at all? Why not end it now, end it before it gets worse...?
Because there is hope for meaning, I suppose. Because redemption, that moment or point of action when life becomes meaningful on a much more profound level than I can understand - I suppose that is what keeps us all going. Hope for something better, need for something bigger.
I am reminded of the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. For those of you who don't know the story it goes something like this: The Velveteen Rabbit is a present for the Boy one Christmas. The Boy loves him with all his might for about an hour or so, until Aunt and Uncle arrive for dinner. Rabbit is then forgotten, put in the toy chest with all the other toys the Boy has no use for. Eventually, though, the Boy loses his favourite stuffy and Nurse pulls out Rabbit to replace it. At first the Rabbit is scared, the Boy reluctant to love him, but soon they form a bond and Rabbit goes with the Boy everywhere. The wise old skin-horse tells Rabbit about the process of becoming "Real"; when all your fuzz is loved off, when your eyes are scratched or cloudy, certainly long past your newness, so soft and pure, has worn away - when you are barely recognizable at all - then the Nursery Fairy will appear and do her magic, turn you into a "Real" living being, so you can participate fully in the joys (and sorrows too) of this world.
The Velveteen Rabbit lives a good life with the Boy, playing and loving together. The Boy becomes ill with Scarlet Fever, however, and the Rabbit stays with him, fears for his own survival too - if the Boy dies, how can he himself be "Real"? The rabbit's existence is perilously dependent on the Boy. The Boy survives, but the doctor orders all his clothes, linens and toys be burned to destroy any remaining infection. The Rabbit is thrown out with the trash...it seems he won't become "Real" after all; all his love, his suffering, his giving and needing have been meaningless.
But then a miracle occurs. The Nursery Fairy appears and grants this wish to the Rabbit, and suddenly, the worn out dirty stuffy is a beautiful, living rabbit! It takes him awhile to get used to his new body, for the other rabbits to recognize him, but in the end he is as real as can be. He hops away, starting his new life in the forest, never forgetting the boy but moving into a bigger life.

This story is a shining example of the Christian idea of redemption. Striving, always searching for meaning, for love, for Real-ness. All our soft fur gets "loved off", our eyes become scratched and cloudy, our newness wears away so fast we wonder if we ever really were clean. It takes an outside magical source to transform us. It takes faith in something seemingly impossible for it to happen; the Rabbit, after all his living and loving, was still thrown in the trash. But he nevertheless believed, and the Fairy, seeing his faith, granted him freedom and life. The Fairy offered redemption.

So what then, is the redeeming quality of this project, The Limits of Love? Is it worth chronicling the ways we hurt each other without offering some sort of hope, some form of redemption? Probably not a happy ending, this is true...but within my images, my stories in colours, there must be that seed of possibility. There must be the possibility for redemption...for the victim and the victimizer.

love this promo for Arcade Fire....gives me ideas!

http://vimeo.com/13497165

Secret keeper

Today i was humbled and honoured to receive my first story about the Limits of Love. It's well written, raw and real. It's a strange thing, being privy to a person's inner demons...I feel I have an awesome responsibility now to represent this person's pain as individual, yet universally experienced. I want the viewer to be captured by the image of perhaps a pinhole camera, draw them in and once you look closer, you can see both the text and the beauty that flourishes among the barrenness. Maybe a monochromatic, pale heart, surrounded by exploding colour and life, only a hint of which touches the interior of this heart. One thing is for sure; I most definitely like working cooperatively to form an image. I thank this person for their words; I will treat you gently.

Considering I am brand new to this blogging thing, please forgive any transgressions I may unknowingly make. I have no news for the day, except I composed a letter of expression of interest for the owner of Old Tyme Antiques, a shop on the north side that I have approached about borrowing a Victorian pie crust table from Maria's production of "Aunt Judy". I really enjoy this gig, unpaid though it is. I'm excited to see the show.

I also sent off an image of previous work to the editor of HERE magazine, for publication in the Art Listings section. The listing is for Limits of Love. Here's the thing: I felt I should quickly throw together some new collage on this theme, so the image and the listing matched up. I took a chance and showed it to an artist friend and asked for honest feedback...I'm glad I did. Not only did I junk that collage, but our conversation spun me off in a new (and hopefully better) direction. That is one of the primary elements I miss from art school: critique. Sounds crazy, I know. Everyone hates those horrendous, torturous public crits at the end of a project, or end of term. I don't miss the formal evisceration, but I do miss the interaction with other artists that can help crystallize or catalyze new ideas. So thank you to Melissa, NSCAD grad of classic rendering. I will be calling on you again to give it to me straight.

On the subject of the Limits of Love work, I have to say it's still all in my head. I mean, I'm kind of stuck. There are some pretty cool images floating around my head but I have no idea how to create them on paper. Well, that's not entirely true...it's just that the things I'm picturing would require a lot more time, money and planning than I have done at the moment. More photography, with that macro lens I don't have. Stretching bread dough between his hands, pulling it tight so it is translucent and fragile. Twisted up pages of the Bible, shaped into a heart form, photographed and how and where does the story go? A large heart organ being manipulated into a square box, portions squeezed and indecipherable. But how do I translate that to paper? That's my problem: translating what I see onto paper.

Possible Selves: Solo show at The Playhouse

I am also working on creating new work for my first solo show, opening October 1, 2010, at The Playhouse Annex Gallery. Here is the first draft of the essay to accompany the show:

Possible Selves: an exploration of identity

What is identity? How does it form? What psychological, physical and social environmental elements comprise identity? How does it grow and change, yet the basis remain the same?

I intend to explore the question of the formation of identity through images of architectural elements built and torn down. My background as a fine furniture maker and experience in carpentry has helped me understand how structures are built; the interior frame work and the numerous joints, connections and fastenings that are necessary for a structure to function properly. Much like a person is built, our identity is made up of numerous connections, experiences and turning points to produce a specific personality.

The neo-Erikson identity status paradigm, largely developed by James Marcia, focuses upon the twin concepts of experimentation and commitment in identity formation; beginning with our temperament, an individual experiments with elements of personal and social traits, either rejecting or committing to a desired behavior or concept. I intend to explore this idea with six to eight images, all beginning with the same architectural base. Each image will be built up and torn down using cut up photographs of local architectural elements and buildings. I will take both digital and manual photographs using a digital camera and a 1972 Minolta SRT 200. I will isolate and cut up the photographs, then reassemble them, beginning from the same architectural base. I shall use paint and ink to accentuate areas and tracing paper, tissue paper, vellum and other media to build up texture in certain areas. I may also draw scenes or images of my past as the background sky or use text to give the viewer a sense of what personality concept is being rejected or committed to.

My inaugural blog...

Greetings Earthlings!

Oh my, I never did expect to be a blogger. I had grand plans for a portfolio website, sure...but this is different. This is a link inside my brain, a place to feel out themes, form, concepts, and hopefully get some feedback. Gotta keep it professional, yet fun. Well written, yet informal. Hmm...no pressure. Actually, the primary reason I have created Possible Selves is to serve as a link with the people I've asked to contribute to a special art project I will be starting August 7. August 7-15 is my Artist in Residence term at the York Sunbury Museum at Officer's Square. The residency coincides with Fredericton's Gay Pride Week. I have singled out some people and put the question to them: "How have you experienced the limits of love?"

The Limits of Love

Beginning August 7 through 15, I will be at the York Sunbury Museum at Officer’s Square, completing an Artist in Residence term for the Fredericton Arts Alliance. This is the premise for the week:

What are the limits of love? At what point are certain people left out, pushed out or torn out of our hearts? The physical evolution of the heart from our ape mothers and fathers to our cave man brothers and sisters to present day neighbours is well researched and documented; is the evolution of love as well thought out? How is God moving us along in our ability to love one another?

From sex as procreation to women as sex objects and men as thoughtless sex fiends, where does love fit in among these restrictive stereotypes? And that's "straight" forward romantic love...What do we know about friendship and mentoring love? I can tell you from personal experience about the limits of love I've encountered. When I came out as a lesbian, my former Christian community reacted with fear, anger, hurt, disgust. They reacted with their version of 'tough love', which was to hammer me with Scriptures proclaiming the utter horror and evil I was embracing. Their 'tough love' wanted to break down my new found confidence and self love. I was pushed out of their hearts, left out of their community, and I felt like my faith was being torn apart.

For this art project I want to explore a very specific kind of limit. I want to explore that breaking point, that line in the sand that divides us from who we love. So I am asking all of you to share with me (anonymously) your stories of heart break, homophobia, and/or loss. It would mean a lot to me, and I think, on a broader scale, to our community. I will incorporate the text into a series of anatomical drawings of the physical evolution of the heart. Your participation would be greatly appreciated, and completely confidential.

To get you started, I’ve asked three basic questions. Please answer them in complete sentences.

1. What are the specifics of the situation? Example:
“It was my first year of college, and I was having lunch with my new class mates when someone started making fun of a poster advertising the campus GLBTQ club. No one there knew I was gay; it hadn’t exactly made the top of the conversation...I just sat there, speechless, not knowing what to do.”
OR
“The first time I walked into that “Lesbian Cabaret!” and saw the host - I knew I was hooked. She was in a white silk three piece suit, her eyes were ice blue and she had shocking blond hair. She was incredible...”


2. How did it make you feel? Example:
“I felt small and invisible. I felt threatened that if my new class mates found out I was gay, they would not want to hang around me. Or perhaps they would feel ashamed of themselves and embarrassed, project that onto me. Either way, it felt like a heavy weight had come onto my shoulders...and here I thought that going to college I’d finally be able to be myself.”
OR
“Just the sight of her made me feel alive in a way I never had before. At that moment, the whole world opened up...then just as quickly, the realization knocked the breath out of me. Oh God...I really, truly am...”

3. What did you want to happen? Example:
“I wish those people had some clue how they were hurting me. I wish I’d stood up for myself. Looking back now, I can see the scared kid I was. If I could tell her one thing it would be - stand up when you can, and no sooner than that. Don’t beat yourself up over it...we come out in our own time, when we are ready. “
OR
“I wanted to run away. I wanted to run into her arms. I wanted time to stand still..because I knew that by leaving that room I’d be entering back into my reality: homophobic parents, religious background, certain singleness forever...it was not the future I’d hoped for, but like it or not, life was about to change forever.”


The deadline for submissions is August 5th. I encourage you to write your story! If you are having any trouble, please feel free to contact me. Again, I would really appreciate your participation.

Cheers,

Marsha
marsha.m.clark@gmail.com