I am greatly inspired by MC Escher's warped view of reality. The view of this church is also very intriguing. Shot two rolls of film yesterday and today; must shoot one more tomorrow morning then get it developed. Too hot to work, but must do something! Deadlines looming near. Completed the press release and artist statement text today for Possible Selves; show at RBC opening tomorrow. The piece is located at the RBC in Brookside Mall.

hiatus

hey kids, came to apologize for the hiatus; life has been sort of insane lately. Big brother from BC, moving, writing other things for deadlines, without phone or internet connection and trying to set up my studio when i still can't find the spoons is stressing me out. How I long to write to you again, Dear Reader.... :) Soon we will be together again...Be patient, keep the faith, and don't run with scissors. Peace out!

We Could Be Neighbours Again

This is my latest work, titled We Could Be Neighbours Again. 11x14, mixed media collage, with a price tag of $75 framed, and unframed prints are available for $20, in a variety of sizes. The type reads: "I will pierce thee to the core" and "I will hurt you with my hurt".

I am quite interested in the curator's reaction to it, as it is the piece going into the RBC exhibition. He will either accept it or he won't...the only reason I wonder about it, is because the subject matter is not entirely palatable. It's not a pretty water colour vase of peonies (not that there is anything wrong with that; in fact, those painters probably possess more technical skill than I have!).

Two sides, armed to the hilt, divided across space and experience threaten each other with weapons. Weapons can be so straight forward, like swords and guns, fists and size. Weapons can also be harsh words, inflicted hurt, guilt, judgment, resentment, fear. The conflict poisons the air. I am still working through the pain I've experienced over the conflict with my former church family about gay pride, so it's coming out in my work. It occurred to me that I am equally stubborn, judgmental, and un-neighbourly. C.S. Lewis says there are no truly evil people...just people that want something and have the wrong way of going about getting it. The church wants me to be straight again, or commit to celibacy for the rest of my life because in their view, being with someone of the same sex is against God's will. I want to be free and true to myself, leave behind self hate and embrace love in all its forms - I want to be fully alive. The church made it quite clear they couldn't have me as a member anymore, being an unrepentant sinner and all...and I turned my anger and hurt at the church to my individual friends and am in danger of ruining those relationships that are left. Both sides believe they are absolutely right and the other is woefully deceived. Both sides have wrong ways of getting what they want - and it has resulted in division, and a conflict that poisons the air between us. This is not neighbourly love, as God speaks about and Kierkegaard expounds upon. In Works of Love, Kierkegaard says: "It is in fact Christian love which discovers and knows that one's neighbour exists and that - it is one and the same thing - everyone is one's neighbour. If it were not a duty to love, then there would be no concept of neighbour at all. But only when one loves his neighbour, only then is the selfishness of preferential love rooted out and the equality of the eternal preserved." (pg. 58)
Preferential love is full of distinctions; good/evil, keener/slacker, serious/casual, believer/non believer, right/wrong, gay/straight. But God's love is not about distinctions or preferences - "Equality is just this, not to make distinctions, and eternal equality is absolutely not to make the slightest distinction, is unqualifiedly not to make the slightest distinction. Exclusive love or preference, on the other hand, means to make distinctions, passionate distinctions, unqualifiedly to make distinctions." (Pg. 70)

It hurts me deeply that church leadership (and others) seem to be practicing exclusive, preferential love. They would prefer me to be straight, they have excluded me from their congregation. But I have it wrong too. I would prefer them to be smarter, I have excluded them from my life too. Between us there is a stoppage of preferential love, but more importantly, a serious struggle with true neighbourly love, as God commands us to.

There are a few women who have stepped out into the no-man's land and have shown true neighbourly love. I am so grateful for them. I want to learn from them, not alienate them with my anger off-gassing everywhere....

To bring it all back to this collage - We Could Be Neighbours Again.

on FIRE!

Sometimes my head spins a little when I think about the future. It's true, I want to be famous... now that the beginning steps are being taken, I'm a little excited. The pace is quick, and there is a lot of work involved. Just got word that I'll be included in an RBC exhibition from September 1 - 30th, at one of their public branches, as well as at the Fredericton City Hall Gallery the month of October. These shows are a spin off from the Artist in Residence series I completed at the York Sunbury Museum. That makes the number of exhibitions for 2010 six!: The Palate (Jan-March), Dreams Reflections and Memories (May at the Annex), Artist in Residence (Aug at York Sunbury Museum), RBC exhibition, City Hall exhibition and my first solo show Possible Selves on October 1. Now, if I could just get this move over with, I can get back to work. There is a press release text due on August 27 that I haven't started, as well as an Artist Statement. The essay for the show will have to wait a bit longer. There are grant applications that need starting, and oh, yes, I have to start my daughter at kindergarten. Feeling a little busy!

Artist in Residence - Post Mortem

http://yorksunburymuseum.wordpress.com/

I had a great conversation with Melissa, of NSCAD background, about self promotion. She advised me to throw myself into this blog whole heartedly; it will make a great self promotion tool. So, I am beginning by linking to the York Sunbury Museum's blog, where I was featured last week.

End of Residency

Today is the final day of my Artist in Residence term at the York Sunbury Museum. It has been an interesting week, and very productive.

I have a confession to make though...I had a bit of an artist's block on the Limits of Love project. These things happen....it's important not to try to force it. However, I completed one piece in the Possible Selves series, and have begun the fifth of six for that show. Reactions have been very positive to the work; 'oh that's so cool!' 'Really unique', and the most important of all 'I wonder how that would look on my wall...'

I met some very cool people, like Linda Bartlett, an artist and house sculptor. I met the owner of the Mazerolle Gallery and had a lengthy conversation with her. Ted Boothroyd, mask maker extraordinaire, was an interesting guy to share the space with. I was interviewed by Cheryl Norrad, who will hopefully be writing an in depth piece on my making process in the next few weeks, and the two little girls from Quebec who were so excited by the art work they just had to try, too.

Thank you to everyone who came to the museum to say hello!

A Moment in History

Yesterday was a momentous day; it was Fredericton's FIRST gay pride parade! Not news to most of you, I know, but for posterity's sake I thought I would restate the facts.
I felt so loved, so celebrated yesterday. Some straight people I know have said things like 'What in the hell do ya need a parade for? I don't get a parade just cuz I sleep with my wife' or 'If you want so badly to be equal, why are you calling attention to yourselves?' I'd like to answer these questions...I find them ignorant and insensitive to be honest.
Firstly, it's a cultural celebration, much like Acadien days or Carribanna. As gay people (and this term includes all the GLBTQQ community) we are a unique and diverse population, offering a lot of positive qualities to society. We are also different from mainstream society, and we like it that way. Gay Pride is a celebration of who we are, and how we're different.
Gay Pride is also an anniversary of the famous Stonewall riots of 1969. Over those few weeks, gay people of New York City fought back against the discrimination and unlawful treatment by police, politicians and other authority figures. Gay pride is a commemoration of the hard battles fought to give us the freedoms we enjoy today. We celebrate others' and our own everyday bravery and the guts it takes to live fully in a society that is largely unwelcoming of gay people and relationships. Watch Milk if you want an entertaining 1.5 hour history of the beginning of the gay rights movement.
Thirdly, straight people DO get a parade: they get one everyday, every time they walk down the street holding their loved one's hand, kiss in public, or stroll safely down the walking trail at night. This one is hard to explain, because until you truly experience what it's like to be a minority, you won't know how it feels to be left out. Imagine (if you are a male) being dropped into a completely foreign city, where no one speaks your language or looks like you, where you fear for your safety sometimes. Then you are condemned, spit on, looked down upon or pitied for holding on to your love for your wife; sorry, but that's not acceptable here and you are not allowed to be with her. Try to see that being gay isn't all about who you sleep with. The gay pride parade is not about sex...
To see so many people marching in the parade, out and proud and joyous, was so wonderful. The straight allies who showed up to support us are a gift; it's because of you that we will change society into a more tolerant, loving place.

Here we go....

I had a dream last night that I was late for my residency, unprepared, afraid and freaking out. But I am not any of those things!! I will be doing a bunch of still life drawing at first, just to get loosened up and to let the ideas flow.....the objects in the museum should prove good subject matter. I have printed three stories for display; I think I'll just limit myself to illustrating these three for the week. If I try to take on too much, I get a little scatter brained...
Very excited to meet Ted Boothroyd, the established artist i will sharing the space with.

Gravity

Today I received the most heart breaking story yet, about a gay Christian woman trapped in an empty hetero marriage. She remains anonymous, but she was willing to share a bit of her struggle with me....I feel honoured and touched. I am also beginning to wonder if this project is even bigger than I first thought. I intend to apply for a Canada Council for the Arts creation grant, and I think this project will be my proposal. An illustrated book of these stories? It's always been a goal/dream of mine to illustrate a book. My hero is Dave McKean, illustrator extraordinaire. Hmm...theology meets compassion meets art.

Click finger fatigue

So I've decided I definitely don't want to be an IT person....I've uploaded almost 30 images of my work to this site in the last few hours, tweaked with the placement on the page...hopefully it looks good. Let me know what you think! More images to come!

But without pain there can be no "Real"ity

I've been thinking about the merit of The Limits of Love project, what its point or purpose is. Is it simply to expose the pain we inflict on each other? Is it only to detail the terrible way we treat our brothers and sisters, to memorialize rotten human behavior?
I am wondering about exploring redemption. If this life is so full of malice, so void of grace, what is the point or the purpose of living at all? Why not end it now, end it before it gets worse...?
Because there is hope for meaning, I suppose. Because redemption, that moment or point of action when life becomes meaningful on a much more profound level than I can understand - I suppose that is what keeps us all going. Hope for something better, need for something bigger.
I am reminded of the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. For those of you who don't know the story it goes something like this: The Velveteen Rabbit is a present for the Boy one Christmas. The Boy loves him with all his might for about an hour or so, until Aunt and Uncle arrive for dinner. Rabbit is then forgotten, put in the toy chest with all the other toys the Boy has no use for. Eventually, though, the Boy loses his favourite stuffy and Nurse pulls out Rabbit to replace it. At first the Rabbit is scared, the Boy reluctant to love him, but soon they form a bond and Rabbit goes with the Boy everywhere. The wise old skin-horse tells Rabbit about the process of becoming "Real"; when all your fuzz is loved off, when your eyes are scratched or cloudy, certainly long past your newness, so soft and pure, has worn away - when you are barely recognizable at all - then the Nursery Fairy will appear and do her magic, turn you into a "Real" living being, so you can participate fully in the joys (and sorrows too) of this world.
The Velveteen Rabbit lives a good life with the Boy, playing and loving together. The Boy becomes ill with Scarlet Fever, however, and the Rabbit stays with him, fears for his own survival too - if the Boy dies, how can he himself be "Real"? The rabbit's existence is perilously dependent on the Boy. The Boy survives, but the doctor orders all his clothes, linens and toys be burned to destroy any remaining infection. The Rabbit is thrown out with the trash...it seems he won't become "Real" after all; all his love, his suffering, his giving and needing have been meaningless.
But then a miracle occurs. The Nursery Fairy appears and grants this wish to the Rabbit, and suddenly, the worn out dirty stuffy is a beautiful, living rabbit! It takes him awhile to get used to his new body, for the other rabbits to recognize him, but in the end he is as real as can be. He hops away, starting his new life in the forest, never forgetting the boy but moving into a bigger life.

This story is a shining example of the Christian idea of redemption. Striving, always searching for meaning, for love, for Real-ness. All our soft fur gets "loved off", our eyes become scratched and cloudy, our newness wears away so fast we wonder if we ever really were clean. It takes an outside magical source to transform us. It takes faith in something seemingly impossible for it to happen; the Rabbit, after all his living and loving, was still thrown in the trash. But he nevertheless believed, and the Fairy, seeing his faith, granted him freedom and life. The Fairy offered redemption.

So what then, is the redeeming quality of this project, The Limits of Love? Is it worth chronicling the ways we hurt each other without offering some sort of hope, some form of redemption? Probably not a happy ending, this is true...but within my images, my stories in colours, there must be that seed of possibility. There must be the possibility for redemption...for the victim and the victimizer.

love this promo for Arcade Fire....gives me ideas!

http://vimeo.com/13497165